sometimes i realise how selfish i can get.
sometimes i realise how egoistic i can be.
and yeah, it's not a pretty discovery alright.
i woke up hearing young ones crying,
with noises from childish quarelling.
i woke up hearing unnecessary noises.
now i can't blame them cus it's an everyday thing,
so i should blame myself for not adapting?
instead i keep filling myself with rage and annoyance,
at the same time limiting my tolerance level.
a wrong move. i blame myself.
i was on my way to tuition when i received an sms
" no ttn tdy" and me being the long-spelling-sms type,
it took me quite a while to figure out those alien look-alike words.
or am i just too, slow? haha. okay maybe both.
and so i dint wanna feel so..useless, i realised that theres a place called
library where i can benefit from. it took me 10 minutes to find a place to sit,
preferably a table. and so i took the courage to ask if the seat was empty.
he's a jc student cus i saw the graphing calculator. an NJC student.
the way he studied was like telling me, " hell yeah you have to study like me if you want an A".
hahah. so thanks, stranger. you somehow motivated me. ha ha .
now i know why they say this- don't revise maths when you're alone.
yeah it's meant for people who suck at maths. people like me.
seems like i need the experts all the time. i hate to bother people.
suddenly this guilt is all over me.
for lying. i told them i'm having a test tomorrow so i need to study so i can't tag along
this mini family outing. when actually i'm just pure lazy, and of course, i need the silence to myself to study later on.
well, it's quite a significant outing. it'll be their first time to try the Spore Flyer or whatever the name is. and to make myself feel better, i sent an sms saying 'enjoy the flyer!' with a smiley face to Dad and he replied 'thanks.sorry that u can't make it cus of ur test. we'll video call you when we're up there.'
wow, more guilt.
and then i realise that maybe i should be a more involved sister?
haha. cus the only time when i'm useful is when i cook magee for the whole family.
wth. it has a unique taste. it's nice. okay self-praise. hahaha!
oh well, unconditional love.
and then i came to reflect. and then i concluded,
yeah i can be very egoistic sometimes.
i never get to feel what it's like to get a scolding from an older sister when you thought what you were doing was pure innocence.
wow, Jodi Picoult can certainly put senses.
it seems like i'm on the tenth cloud now.
for now, i'll just savour the peacefulness in this house.
and after 5pm on 19th Nov, i'll savour the upcoming months of joy.
hell yeah i will.
so are you listening?!